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Anonymous

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Posted on Tuesday, December 31, 2002 - 07:29 am:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

My girlfriend complains of not having orgasm however hard I try? I even tried oral sex but she lacks it. Is her prolem genuine or she is having some disorder?
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Denise Bardell

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Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 12:52 am:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

If she is "having some disorder" it is a genuine problem, my dear. I don't think it's up to you to give her the orgasm. Either her body will respond or it won't. Has she seen a doctor about this? There is a female version of Viagra now, I know that may sound funny, but it may be what she needs. She could have a hormonal imbalance or something like that. Just an idea...
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Anonymous (Unregistered Guest)

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Posted on Saturday, March 08, 2003 - 08:31 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Up to 30% of women don't have orgasms easily. Don't let it get in the way of your relationship and don't blame her for it. You might want to do some reading about womens sexuality to get a better handle on how sex works phisiologically. There are some wonderful books out there. Try the one written by the Boston Womens' Health Collective if it's still in print.
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(Unregistered Guest)

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Posted on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 04:33 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I don't know how old you are or how long you've been with your girlfriend but there's not necessarily a "problem" with either of you. When I first started having sex for about two years I didn't have an orgasm because I thought sex was all about penetration and nothing else. Quite honestly, I've only had as many orgasms as you can count on one hand by penetration alone. External stimulation, a.k.a the clitoris is important and you and your girlfriend need to find out what feels good and can bring her to orgasm without penetration at all. Once you find that, then sex with stimulation is even better! Don't be offended or think that you don't please her just because her clitoris needs to be stimulated during sex - believe me for most women it does. And even if she doesn't come to the point of orgasm, sex can still feel good and be pleasurable. Most importantly, don't be shy about this, if you really love each other you'll take the time and patience to discover what pleases one another. I've been with my boyfriend for over four years and we're still discovering things about eachother. Good Luck.
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Russell Morris

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Posted on Tuesday, April 01, 2003 - 01:51 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

My Dear Brother,
I had to chime in on all of the estrogen. The obvious truth is youíre experience level and secondly you tried oral? You do not try oral it should be a staple in your lovemaking!
OK now that Iíve basically shattered your self-esteem Iím now going to give you the greatest gift anyone could ever give you.

Sex or lovemaking is somewhat of a dance it starts with a rhythm the rhythm increase there is a crescendo and a decrescendo, remember this as we begin your education.
Be it spontaneous or a predetermined SEX and/or LOVEMAKING must have passion mentally and physically. Most of us guys either care only about our feelings or we dwell on ďdid you orgasmĒ. The truth is if you have to ask she didnít and the other guys well they create a bad name for those of us that actually know what we are doing.

On to your education, before the next time you and your significant other are together I want you to think about what you are going to do (at this time please remove your hand from your penis this is not about you right now). Secondly, slow down use your mind as well as your body touch her softly and slowly make sure to touch and rub everywhere on her not just the obvious parts. Look at her to see what she likes tell her how beautiful she is, kiss her everywhere taking your time to observe her let her know how she is making you feel. When she is beginning to heat up and you think it is time for intercourse ďstopĒ its not it is time for oral sex!
Oral sex is an art, most of us guys are really bad at it but we think we know what we are doing. To be good at Oral Sex you need to know some basic anatomy of the female gender. The female sex organ known as the vagina has many distinct parts most notable the Clitoris why most notable because everyone talks about it. But, you must know the rest of the vagina and the other skin around the vagina to be a good lover. As you move your mouth and tongue, yes mouth and tongue most guys think that the tongue is what you use, those guys know only half of the equation. Move softly and slowly exploring all of her vagina, you must tease her, make sure to expose the Clitoris by pulling back on the hood (the skin that covers the Clitoris). Then begin to suck and lick her vagina and clitoris using a finger to manipulate her clitoris while your mouth is elsewhere on her body. You may actually insert a finger inside her and stimulate the ďGĒ spot. To do so just imagine your finger saying come here and do it. With all of this going on remember to pay attention to her body and facial expression, remember to take your time and most of all enjoy it.
Now that Iíve given you some basics of Oral Sex, we can now move on to penetration. The act of penetration is quite simple you just stick it in, right; wrong. Penetration takes more rhythm then most people are accustom too, that is why most people are bad lovers. So that I donít write volumes and volumes of text Iím going to simple say revert back to everything above and watch two people dancing the Tango.
In closing if none of this works and the two of you are in this relationship for the long term, go see a local Sex Therapist.
PS
Bolero by Ravel is a perfect representation of lovemaking go by a copy.
Best wishes and Good Luck
R-
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six

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Posted on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:35 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Sounds like good technique, however, there are some things that technique will not help.
There are so many things which could be causing this and it could have absolutely nothing to do with him.
If it actually is a problem of that sort, then bravo, chime in on the estrogen all you want. But if it's not, then maybe we estrogen filled responders can help.
I think she needs to see if she can have orgasms on her own, without someone there. She'll be more relaxed and be able to figure out what works for her. If she still cannot have one, there could be a physical or emotional problem. She may need to see a doctor (who will be able to help her determine whether or not she needs a therapist).
The most important thing is not to judge, make her feel self contious about it, or show frustration over it, this will only hinder her further. I speak from experience on this point.
There are so many things which can add to this problem. Hormones, stress, anxiety, physical problems, earlier traumatization, etc.
Let her first see if she can develop her own technique and then coach you through it. If not, maybe she should take the medical route.
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christigay

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Posted on Sunday, July 13, 2003 - 06:22 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

My sister is 22 years old and has never had an orgasm and she has two kids and has been having sex for7 years. She says it hurts sometimes during sex and she just lays there not even expecting one anymore. She has genital warts but it an't that bad and has anxiety really bad for seven years and she's on paxil and i was wandering what you think the problem is and what she can do to feel good about her self and finaaly enjoy sex or if there is aproblem she needs to go to the doctor fro. thanks
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glendadeveri
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Posted on Thursday, August 07, 2003 - 02:06 am:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Buy a toy! It's a must. I never had an orgasm until I was 22. My boyfriend who is now my husband, bought us a toy and it WORKED! Now I never have problems having an orgasm. However, making love is about so much more-enjoy it and relax!
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Melanie
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Posted on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 04:52 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Some girls just have a harder time orgasming.

Tell her not to try so hard. If you both ae having sex with a goal in mind "lets get you to orgasam" its gonna be tense and probably not help the situation. Just tell her to relax and enjoy sex...if she orgasams, she does, if she doesn't then she will another time :-)

In my experience the women who have the easist ime orgasaming are the ones who like to masturbate. They know thier bodies and know how to bring themselve to climax (this is true also with yself.I'm a lesbian).

Does she experience pain during penetration? This could be a physical disorder...if this is the case, I would have her see her OBGYN. In the meantime...use good lubrication, beng dry down these just doesn't feel good when someone or something is penetrating you and can really be painful. For lube, Don't use KY! It irritates most women. I suggest trying Wet brand lubricant or Astroglide.

Also...I have no idea what your technique is for going down on your girlfriend..but I'll say it anyway..

Don't go right in for the clit. I've heard a lot fo guys do this. Go down on her slowly..and even go back up again to tease her, iss her nck, her ears...lick and love her WHOLE body..and then go to her middle. Lick the insides of her tighs and suck on her fingers. Kiss her down stairs as if you were kissing her mouth. After a little while of doing that insert two finger (with clean hands and lube), make the "come here" motion..just pressing againt the washboard like inside. Use your thumb to stimulate her clit, go gently at first..even use your tounge to flick it a bit. Keet moving your fingers. Just go slow and gentle..respond to her moans, sighs and flinches. I promise yu won't lose this way :-)

Hope I've been helpful. Good luck! :-)
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Marie
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Posted on Tuesday, February 24, 2004 - 10:54 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Not all of us non orgasm girls are comfortable with masturbating or using toys. I am one of them that is not comfortable with that kind of thing. I have masturbated in the past and I don't like it. I don't see the point. I can't bring myself to that place, so why bother trying. I feel bad for my boyfriend because he thinks it's him and I try to tell him over and over again that it's not. I just am having a very hard time letting myself go. I don't want to look stupid.
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murat cira
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Posted on Wednesday, November 10, 2004 - 04:30 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

hi ihave a problem getting hard on after having sex with my wife 1 st time i come ok but second time is to much problem to get hard on again can you please help me with my problem ihave this problem over 5 years thank you
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lynsey wilson
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Posted on Friday, January 28, 2005 - 03:05 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

hi,i definatly cant orgasm all the time but i do get frustrated if i cant,i do always get vaginal/g-spot orgasms but clitoral orgasms are once in a blue moon,vibrators are great!and my partner can only come once too after that he says he wouldnt be able to again,as he cant get hard again.its maybe lowish testosterone?
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TRICIA SMITH
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Posted on Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 11:20 am:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I AM 19 YEARS OLD I HAVE ONE SON AND I HAVE BEEN HAVING SEX WITH NY HUSBAND FOR YEARS NOW. IT FEELS REALLY GOOD BUT I CAN NEVER HAVE AN ORGASAM
WHAT SHOULD I DO? AND HE STILL DOES NOT KNOW I REALLY DONT WANT TO TELL HIM
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kieran
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Posted on Monday, February 21, 2005 - 08:38 am:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

To Tricia, i suggest you play some love games sometimes. One game can be to each write down a few things you would like to try with each other. Make them things that are easy at first. Passionate kissing in the car after a date together, pitching a tent for the night in the back yard, giving a massage to the other and letting them fall asleep after, romantic night of ones choice, one person strips or dances for the other, role playing and dressing up of being pirates or other characters, foot massage etc. Some of the ideas can be sensual explorations, others can be ways to find out what pleases each other, others create intimacy, others can be to let down inhibitions adn have fun. Sometimes it helps to do lots of new things that do not involve going all the way for a few days sometimes. As a woman gets stronger in her self she can have the confidence to show a man what pleases her. This takes time. Sometimes books provide ideas to try, and can be a talking point, eg lets try this approach. This way a woman can avoid telling him things if she prefers. Most guys respond best to showing or trying rather than being told, so sometimes a fun book can be given to him or read together. That way you explore together. It can take a while to get teh confidence up, buy many women find that they can play with their clit while they have intercourse. the guy can then see what she likes in that regard and choose to implement this himself anotehr time. Spray attachments in the bathtub can also be used or a vibrator on the clit while sex, another approach is to take it in turns to please each other. Even night about. Finding out what movements and what mood and talking and kind of approach excites each other. you are at the age where it is natural to try new things to see what each likes. Tiredness with having a little child can sometimes mean people lose their adventure. Once your son is old enough you will hopefully both get some energy to explore things. if you do not want to tell him you do not orgasm, you could put it that you just want to try new things for fun. New things is not necessarily new positions, it could be mutual masturbation, or it could be licking honey off each other , or having a romantic night out and kissing under the stars. good luck
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Lizz Dix
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Posted on Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 01:24 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I am 24 years old and I don't know if i have ever really had an all out that feels good orgasam. I really don't know what my problem is.
but I think I am just not letting myself go all
the way. Its like I get up to the point of it and I stop. I also have a new boyfriend and i don't want him to think that its him. I also don't want it to be an issue in our relationship. I have tried to get myself off
and still the same thing happens. Whats wrong with me? HELP!!!!!
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Anna-lisa Smith
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Posted on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 - 10:58 am:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I feel the odd one out....I can't orgasm when being penetrated. What am I doing wrong!!??? Does anyone have any suggestions?????
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Buck Brohn
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Posted on Tuesday, May 24, 2005 - 12:04 am:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

My girlfriend and i use toys as a part of forplay, but she's been telling me that the more she uses the toys the harder it is for her to orgasum latter, whats going on?
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unable
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Posted on Sunday, August 28, 2005 - 08:10 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

i am wondering why is it that when i am having sex i feel like i am about to orgasm and then the feeling goes away. i have never had one while having sex. i can have a really awesome, intense orgasm when i masturbate alone. i am a 34 year old female and i have been masturbating as far back as 9 years old. could that be the reason why? i really would like to experience the pleasure of having an orgasm during sex. any advice. and just for the record my boyfriend is an excellent lover. mentally and physically. so what is my problem. and i feel bad about it because i have to admit that i have been faking it. although he makes me feel good and he has gotten me futher than anyone else but i just can't seem to get it out.
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Theresa McKeown
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Posted on Saturday, August 27, 2005 - 04:26 am:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I am 39 yrs of age and have had different relationships. At the minute I am dating a lovely guy and we have good sex together. He keeps saying to me I wish you would come, what is this? as I am having wonderful feelings all through our sex, although sometimes I can get a bit dry down there, but most of the time its moist, where am I going wrong and what do I hsve to do to come, is there supposed to be some kind of liquid to guss out of me like it is for a man? and if so why can I not do it?
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Liane Sanders
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Posted on Wednesday, November 09, 2005 - 01:41 pm:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I think a lot of the problem with difficulty reaching orgasm is what we think about during sex, by this I mean what excites us sexually.

Traditionally men think about the physical and there are plenty of titillating images in our society of what constitutes sexual excitement for a man. As a result a man can easily reach orgasm.

But what does our society tell women if she is excited about equivalent sexual imagery? It calls her a slut!!!

And admit it... many women have this attitude. How can you have orgasm if you feel like a slut?

How can you learn to have orgasm by yourself when you are taught from day one that sex is dirty, filthy and disgusting unless you are "in love"?

In our society women are trained to avoid the overtly sexual imagery and instead be excited about a man's earning capability, his social status and his prospects for providing for a family.

Have you ever tried to have an orgasm while thinking about a man's money?

Have you ever tried to reach orgasm while thinking about what other women will think about your man's status in society or his ability to provide a comfortable living for you and your family?

This is a large part of the problem. Women have not been allowed to be sexual beings and to feel totally comfortable enjoying sex. Women should not feel dirty or guilty about enjoying sex.

And horror of horrors, women need to feel comfortable about having sex with out first having to be "in love". Women should feel comfortable exploring her sexuality without having to first be committed by "love".

A constant theme in human problems is conflict, the conflict we ourselves generate in our lives. So it is with sex. We create the conflict by forbidding women to be overtly sexual and to freely enjoy sex and we call this being a proper lady. Then we complain when this proper lady cannot get sufficiently sexually excited when she has sex.

I submit to you that, in essence, our society figuratively castrates women with its oppressive, antisex standards for women and this is the root of the problems women face reaching orgasm.

So, call me a slut. Hey, at least I am not sexually repressed!!
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aan
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Posted on Monday, March 13, 2006 - 03:50 am:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

hai , iam 25 year old married women, my problem is that , i have been married last two years back and i am staying with my hus. i never had orgasam in my all sexual times with my hus. in fast i never had mastubate also. and i dont know wat is orgasam. i never experienced this. kindly suggest some to how get orgasam . and wat is orgasam
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Teena
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Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 03:51 am:   View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hi,

I just got recently married to a guy whos been divorced with three teenage kids. I am 22 years old, and I only had sex with him. I do not know what it feels like to orgasm. He is doing everything right I am sure of it. Hes not cheap in the sack. Whats wrong with me? my husband always feels bad after we have sex because he says he couldnt please me...I just always want to switch the subject because I know its probably my fault....Am I normal?

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